Considering the age and stage of those most vulnerable to our actions, our availability will be monitored and noted - consciously and unconsciously - and reflected in the play or actions of our children. This can be a threat or the most entertaining, exciting, interesting and diverse challenge you will ever receive. Be available to your family as much as you can. BUT! Not for a minute am I suggesting give up your job. I love mine and do not intend to stop working anytime soon. And if you're a stay at home mum, I don't expect you to never have your own time. Indeed, the opposite is true. To enable availability to your family, you may (I am tempted to say MUST), have time to yourself in some form or other. Not contradictory; smart!Give yourself a break, and you will be less likely to end up broken. Or in another way, be mindful and considerate about the way we live our lives, for in the first instance, that is the building block for the way our children's lives will be lived. Building up healthy relationships with our children may include provision for frank and open talks that provide for debate and honesty, or being still and quiet together, enabling space and calmness.
Being available, emotionally and physically, can seem difficult, but if we want to avoid the 'Cat's in the cradle' syndrome, then scheduling family time is pretty much vital. Being present doesn't only mean being in the same room, but being available to listen, to react, to participate and encourage where necessary. As the creators of Circle of Security suggest from the perspective of the child: watch over me, delight in me, help me and enjoy with me as I explore, secure in the knowledge that you will be available to do so. The parent would protect, comfort, delight and assist in the organising of feelings, from within the safe haven, developed by being available to welcome the child should they come to you.
The security provided from this attachment, will enable you to leave for your special time, and come back due to the development of trust. If we tell our children in advance of the parent time planned, the length of the time away, and the expected time home (and yes, some will need a lot of prior notice, perhaps including visuals and a timer of sorts), and then stick to our word, we build that trust which, one may argue, is also a form of availability in that one must first have trust to avail of the availability!So, to your own self, be true. If you need to, create a 'meeting' time in your calendar that takes you for a walk. Book your 'you time' so you're less likely to give in to parent guilt. And review with your partner, or the person you've chosen to assist you in meeting this 'you time'. Often times the success is in the pudding. THEN, with renewed strength and vigour, check in with your kids. Honey, I'm home!!
